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Archive for the ‘BCP’ Category

Day 10 of BCPs. Nine more days until Lupron. Gawd. Stupid Lupron. My head is hurting just *thinking* of the Lupron. Except, the last two times I took the Lupron my head didn’t hurt that much, so I should have known that something was wrong, right? Yeah. So I’m torn. Maybe I should wish for the earth-shattering headaches. Um. Yeah.

Anyway, there’s seriously nothing going on here, except that I frickin’ hate BCPs. I get all stupid and cranky on them (why should today be any different than any other day?) and I feel sick and, yes, my head hurts (different than the Lupron headaches – just an exacerbation of my normal migraines).

But it’s SO BORING.

Seriously. Is this what I’ve come to? I’ve come to a life in which stabbing myself with a sharp stick is actually more interesting than the life I’m currently leading? Seriously? Taking a little blue pill isn’t worth writing about? Heck 10 years ago, little blue pills were worth writing about. Today? You hardly ever even hear about little blue pills anymore!

Gah. It’s not helping that I have pretty horrific cramps right now, and, um, HELLO? I’m on Day 10 of the pill! There is no good reason why I should be having cramps of all the damn things!

Ahem.

I told you there was nothing to see here.

Move along.

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Before my first IVF cycle, I took Ortho Cyclen for about 5 weeks (Maybe longer? I’d have to go back and look at my calendar, but whatever, it was a while). My last two weeks on the pill I cried every day. Multiple times a day. I thought that pretty much sucked and I didn’t love it. But you know? I could live with that, especially since I’m only slated to take BCPs for 3 weeks this time. I mean, really, the crying didn’t start until week 4 last time, so maybe I’d miss out on side effects all together this time, right??

Think again, Oh Perky One.

Last time the BCP was prescribed by The Hatchery before I knew I’d be switching to Ye Olde Fertility Clinic. But then I switched clinics while I was already on the BCP. No matter, I just stayed on the BCP while we got all my ducks in a row. No proplem, I had plenty since The Hatchery had planned on me being on the pill for at least 5 weeks anyway.

This time SuperDoc prescribed the BCPs. And he ordered Nortrel. No problem. I mean, seriously, what could possibly be the difference, right? Of course right.

Think again, Oh Perky One.

Since starting to take it my migraines have been out of control. Did I mention that birth control pills are actually contraindicated for hemiplegic migraines? And that I’m actually not supposed to be on BCPs at all? And here’s another lovely side effect for you: I wake up every single morning completly sick to my stomach. I picked up one of my monsters yesterday and almost dropped her because I thought I was going to throw up, it was that bad.

So… what to do? Just switch pills since I happen to have an extra pack of the Ortho Cyclen laying around? Or ask permission first? SuperDoc is out of town right now, but of course my nurse is around and could talk to a different doctor if need be. What to do, what to do…

In other news, my celebrity status has been revived!

J, Marketing Supervisor Extraordinaire, called me yesterday and asked if I would mind being interviewed by a newspaper for a story on eSET. No problem, I said. Anything I can do to help. (But I swear, next time I’m holding out for free cryopreservation for all the good press I’ve been giving them!).

Er, not that I had anything to freeze last time, so not that I can count on anything to freeze next time…

ANYwhozit. The point, as if I ever had one, is that I got interviewed by a reporter yesterday. She wasn’t the crispest cracker in the box, if you catch my drift, and she spent far more time focused on the HOM factor instead of the eSET factor for my tastes, but I think I did a great job bringing her back en pointe, if I do say so myself. She did ask the ever-present question on every reporter’s mind: “So after this one, will you be done??”

You know what? I don’t know. And I don’t have to know that yet. It’s a decision that my husband and I will make when we get there, but right now we know that our family isn’t complete yet.

And she chose that context to bring up the Octo-mom. In any other context, I’d have understood it. But you know? It felt a bit like an unfair and accusatory comparison. I don’t have six kids already. I am not transferring six embryos (au contraire! her story is on eSET! hello?!). My husband and I both have full time jobs. My clinic, the reporter has already acknowledged, has some of the best eSET success rates in the country. How can she possibly compare my choices to those of Ms. Suleman’s?

Argh. I cannot begin to understand Ms. Suleman’s choices. I am not even trying to judge them except inasmuch as they are reflecting so poorly on the choices of every woman who seeks fertility treatment and every mother of higher order multiples out there. But it is so unfair to compare ME to HER.

Anyway, hopefully the story will turn out to be a very balanced and reasonable story on the value and benefits of eSET. I hope that it will. And when it is published, I’ll be sure to let you all know about it, because I’m sure it’s bound to be entertaining at the very least. And the best news is – it was a print interview, not a film interview – so no cheesy shots of me walking down a long halway just for the sake of me walking down a long hallway. 🙂

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Turns out, my nurse had emailed me a protocol and Lupron start date… oh… Friday and Saturday. And she’d updated it on Monday. Turns out, I was supposed to have started the Lupron on Monday. Whoops.

See, and I hadn’t wanted to be a big pest about it, even though on Friday she had said she was going to definitely work on the protocol and email it to me and sure had make it sound like she was going to have it that day. I just figured that she was getting push back from the doctor or the clinic calendar or something. And I feel like I pester her enough, so I hadn’t wanted to keep bugging her.

Well, it turned out she’d been spelling my email address wrong, but it hadn’t been bouncing back to her, so some other perky chick is getting emails about IVF protocols from some random nurse at Ye Olde Fertility Clinic wondering what the *bleeping bleep* this is all about!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I was supposed to have started Lupron on Monday. Um, whoops? That’s okay, there was no frickin’ way I could have picked up my drugs on Monday anyway. Monday was a cluster-*bleep* of a day, the worst possible of Mondays, and I was a total, blubbering mess, incapable of coping with life. (Hey! It turns out, that’s thanks to the estrogen in the pill… isn’t it going to be fun when I start taking estrace at egg retrieval time?? Whee!)

So I’m going to take the Lupron as soon as I get home (was supposed to be this morning). Then I’ll take it around noon tomorrow. And Friday I’ll take it in the AM on schedule. This will get me back on schedule. And Friday will be the last day I have to take this God-forsaken BCP. The thing I’m REALLY bitter about is that if I’d known I was to start Lupron on Monday, TONIGHT would be my last BCP!! Gah.

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CD3

Oh, did I forget to mention CD1? I’ve been a little busy. Wednesday around 4:30pm I discovered that, right on schedule, my period had arrived. Now, I know that I’m still waffling between The Hatchery and the old clinic that has yet to receive a pseudonym (suggestions welcome), but just in case, I’m still proceeding as if The Hatchery is where I’m going until I have my consult with the old clinic.

So, since I’m ever-so-good at following directions (shut UP!), I called the nurse at The Hatchery to let her know it was CD1. Great, she said. They would be having two IVF cycles in January: one starting 1/10 and one starting 1/24, which was I thinking would be better for me. I started to panic about the 1/10 cycle. I’m worried about working out the insurance details by then, and what if I get confusing answers from the old clinic on 1/5 and want to reevaluate? So I told her my schedule was going to be too wacky on 1/10, so let’s go for the 1/24 schedule.

She wasn’t sure the doctor would want to start me on BCPs this early then, because that would mean me being on BCPs for nearly 5 weeks and that could mean me being an under-responder for the cycle. But, she said, aren’t I normally a bit of an over-responder? “I have HOM’s,” I said. Yeah… probably not an issue. She would talk to the doctor and get back to me on Thursday with the plan. The only concern with me just waiting until Jan to get a period on my own is… well, sometimes I just don’t get a period on my own, and that could mean a flurry of bloodwork, provera, hoping the provera works, and probably ending up with a February cycle instead. Not that Feb. vs. Jan. is really the end of the world, but you know how it is. One delay leads to the next delay leads to the next one… Next thing you know, five years, 12 medicated cycles go by and you have a set of HOMs… oh wait, that was last time.

Thursday she got back to me just as I was about to walk into a shiva visit, so I was a bit flustered, but the plan is I’ll start BCPs tonight and take 2 packs (no placebos) until the 23rd when I’ll go in for a baseline ultrasound and start injections on the 24th. Won’t this be fun? We’ll obviously talk plenty between now and then.

So. Um.

Whee?

My perinatologist had asked me when I saw him on Monday if I thought there might be any possibility that I might have a spontaneous pregnancy to avoid the whole twin possibility – I laughed and said in six years it had never happened (plus, really, with this many kids? who has time for any romancin’ ? JUST KIDDING!). Now I guess our chances of having a spontaneous pregnancy are completely gone, starting tonight.

I know every woman starting an IVF cycle talks about the irony of taking birth control pills in order to get pregnant. I don’t think for me that I find it ironic. I’m struck with a profound sense of – change. This feels like a big step toward my new goal. Toward my new hopes of family building.

I fear that the fall from hope will be devastating.

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